Venting

I've never felt this kind of pain before. I could not explain it, it's not who I am. I want to feel numb in my own skin but instead I'm crawling around and out of it, looking for an answer.

I didn't do anything wrong. I didn't hurt you, I would never want you to be hurt. I still care about you as much as I want to hate you and scream into your face. Your not worth all the crying I've done, your just not worth it. But I can't stop. You aren't who I thought you were- this phrase has become useful to people often. And in our case, it's very useful. Your a much better actor than i thought, I give you that. Telling me things you knew I'd fall for. The things any girl would fall for, just so we feel important and excepted by you. 

Oh but then you got us. We're wrapped around your fingers and you use that against us. This is when it all changed, and your true colors showed because you were so comfortable. I hate you for getting so damn comfortable. I wanted to fix you- I wanted to help you go back to "the real you". But there was no you before.. It was switched. And you beat me to the punch, which made me furious. I'm still furious.

I deserved better. God i deserved a hell lot better than what you did to me. And what you did to her! I don't care if she and I aren't friends, you broke her heart. You broke my heart. And you broke them equally, and each situation was handled the exact same way. It's like you plan out your relationships in your mind, and then proceed. Well never again, EVER again will you do that. Your all used up, and everyone is going to see the real you. No one will ever think twice about being with you, I sure as hell wouldn't.

You lied about something so big. What else did you lie to me about?

I can't stand you, but if I saw you I wouldn't be able to yell. I'd only burst back into the pattern of tears because thats all I feel right now is emotional betrayal by you. I want it to pass, I don't want to feel this anymore.

I want to feel numb.