Today, in my eyes, is the first day of spring. Not only because it's allergy season and the sneezing begins, but because everything around me is only another reminder. It reminds me of when I was younger, and my friends and I would run up and down the streets- playing and laughing without a care in the world. Or my dad would take my little brother and I to the park, which was usually when we'd beg for McDonalds and wind up eating it there.
As I get older, spring seems different to me now. I don't exactly get to run up and down the streets- especially without a care in the world. A lot more crosses my mind now, as it does to everyone. I couldn't take something so carelessly, because now it actually means more. I think back on the past and all the times I spent taking those hikes in my backyard and the odd feeling of bare legs from my shorts. I know I'm comfortable enough to think back on those things, but not enough to become it again.
Reading seems to be more simple and enjoyable now, which it wouldn't have been then. I can sit outside and get lost into my book, which is something I really look forward too. Then, I never would have considered it enjoyable. When I was younger, I attempted to read maybe once on a blanket in the center of my lawn. Turns out I lost intrest within three for four minutes, and ran off with my friends to find something better to do.
It's not just reading though. There's many things to look back on and see, "Wow, I never would have thought twice about that until now." I guess as we grow, we lose interest in some things that really meant the world to us back then. Now, it seems like only the memories mean the world to us.
I guess my point here, is that nothing is ever enough until we see it later on. I sometimes wish I had taken more intrest in the things surrounding me then, but then again I know how great my memories are and will always last to be. My heart seems to be covered in joy when I think and smile back on those times, especially during spring. I guess that's why I love it so much.
Thursday, March 13, 2008
Tuesday, March 11, 2008
Acceptance
In the previous week or so, I feel like changes between a friend of mine named Kylie and I have been secretly made. I couldn't exactly describe it to you, but I'll give it a shot.
Today, one of my good friends from school named Abby came up to me and questioned if anything had been wrong with me and Kylie. I couldn't help but admit to her, "Your right, I notice it too." It's crazy because I saw that she cared enough to notice something so small like that, which I was already having trouble noticing myself. It was more-so I didn't want to notice it, whether or not it was true.
I went home, sat at the computer screen, and thought. I didn't want to make an emotional deal about it or anything, but I felt it was time to at least make a change- Along with the ones she already made. For a long time now, I had a blog up about our friendship, and how much I will and still always love her. It was incredibly long, and I won't ever forget the day I made it for her. It was sort of shaky, but I took it down.
Now this may not seem like much of a big deal to you, but it meant so much to me. No, I couldn't say what's happening between the two of us, but it's something I must face. I may never communicate with her the way we once did, or have a long unusual conversation with her about any topic that popped into my mind. But I will promise to never forget or regret the memories made. I promise a lot of things, but in my heart she will always be my best friend. Moving on is difficult, I know this. But I know this is only a small step to the greater steps we may all face sooner or later. I guess I just consider the difficulty of accepting that it's near a draw, or an end.
Deep in my heart, nothing is ever coming to an end. Friends are friends, nothing more or less. Unless something horrible had happened between us both, then it's only a matter of growing up and moving on. I understand now how different we both are. It's weird to think though how she hasn't even begun high school yet, and I only wish her the best of luck and strength throughout it all. She's a wonderful person- I hope she will never forget that.
Things always happen for some kind of reason. It's just up to me to have enough faith to trust God and believe it will all get better soon. For her sake, and for mine.
Today, one of my good friends from school named Abby came up to me and questioned if anything had been wrong with me and Kylie. I couldn't help but admit to her, "Your right, I notice it too." It's crazy because I saw that she cared enough to notice something so small like that, which I was already having trouble noticing myself. It was more-so I didn't want to notice it, whether or not it was true.
I went home, sat at the computer screen, and thought. I didn't want to make an emotional deal about it or anything, but I felt it was time to at least make a change- Along with the ones she already made. For a long time now, I had a blog up about our friendship, and how much I will and still always love her. It was incredibly long, and I won't ever forget the day I made it for her. It was sort of shaky, but I took it down.
Now this may not seem like much of a big deal to you, but it meant so much to me. No, I couldn't say what's happening between the two of us, but it's something I must face. I may never communicate with her the way we once did, or have a long unusual conversation with her about any topic that popped into my mind. But I will promise to never forget or regret the memories made. I promise a lot of things, but in my heart she will always be my best friend. Moving on is difficult, I know this. But I know this is only a small step to the greater steps we may all face sooner or later. I guess I just consider the difficulty of accepting that it's near a draw, or an end.
Deep in my heart, nothing is ever coming to an end. Friends are friends, nothing more or less. Unless something horrible had happened between us both, then it's only a matter of growing up and moving on. I understand now how different we both are. It's weird to think though how she hasn't even begun high school yet, and I only wish her the best of luck and strength throughout it all. She's a wonderful person- I hope she will never forget that.
Things always happen for some kind of reason. It's just up to me to have enough faith to trust God and believe it will all get better soon. For her sake, and for mine.
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